Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I've finally done it! I've had my most embarrassing moment since high school. More embarrassing than the time my daughter, AL, blamed me for publicly farting(when it was someone else, honest!), and probably my most embarrassing moment EVER.

Tonight was Family Home Evening and as a treat for our kiddies we decided to take them to the dollar store. We were having a good time, JA picked out a fake handcuff set, AL wanted a coloring book, I got some Jolly Ranchers(yum!), and our babies were feverishly trying to pull everything they could off the shelves. Josh spent most of the time chasing after MC(have legs, will run......away) and preventing AL from pulling the cart over with AM in it. What a night!

And it just got worse. As I was walking with Josh past some isle I notice a husband and wife who are embracing eachother. And it isn't just any embrace, it was the kind that made me think that maybe this woman is pregant and laboring kind of embrace. Her arms were clasped around his neck, his arms were supporting her upper back like he was holding her up. In doula speak we call this movement "dancing". They were swaying as well. I noticed the woman's body. She was definitely full figured and I thought her pregnant belly added to that fullness. I looked at their basket and noticed that it was full. I thought to myself, "hmmm, she must be nesting or in early phase." Early phase refers to the time when the cervix dialates from 0-4 cms. This time can take anywhere from hours to minutes. If it's first time mom, usually takes hours.

Now as a birthing doula I get all excited when I see a pregnant woman. I get anxious to share with her all the wonderful things a doula can do for a laboring woman. Can ya already see where I'm headed with this? So I confidently walk up to her and say,"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing you and your husband doing the birthing dance, are you by chance in labor?" I was seriously ready to show them all my neat techniques right there in the store. Instead, she looked at me confused(probably thinking what the bleep is a birthing dance?) and replied,"Oh, no, I'm not in labor. I'm not pregnant. What you saw was just me giving my husband a hug."

Someplace, somewhere is a deep hole with my name on it that I can hide in. I must've turned several shades of red as I profusely apologized. I feel very lucky that she was nice about it and that this couple was already at the cash register checking out when I pounced on them. When I hear these kind of stories, usually the offended woman has a quick tongue and lashes out. Anyway, I quickly walked to the back of the store and told Josh about my moment. He had a good laugh. I hope you readers are too.

BTW, I have reached the clean up pinnacle for ALL poop messes(I've done the whole Poocasso thing too). I don't think anything can ever top this. My son, JA, has a habit that we're trying to break of using too much toilet paper when he does a #2. And then of course he doesn't flush because he knows it will flood. Well, it sat over night, completely unknown to us. Until this morning when my two-year-old MC flushed the potty. Poop and toilet paper over flowed out of the toilet, onto the floor, down onto the floor by our waterheater, out into the kitchen and it somehow reached outside. GROSS!!!! So yeah, I got the clean up the poop mess of all poop messes. I don't think it can get any worse than this. "Bring It On!", is all I've got to say to my two youngest. As a consequence for causing the toilet to flood(because he should've come and got us to tell us that the toilet was too full, because he's a repeat offender in flooding our toilets, this is nothing new), he got to clean my kitchen floor. Sweet! I didn't want to mop anyway.