Saturday, December 29, 2007


I'm thinking of investing in one of these tables. Just so my 7-year-old son won't beat me in a game, and for so many more reasons. lol! That is all.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!!!

Flat Sled
Get Funny Pictures at

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Chocolate and oreos...

is what my home smells like right now. I've been elbow deep in melted chocolate and crushed oreos. I've been making Oreo Truffles as Christmas treats for our neighbors. I found this recipe in my Kraft food magazine last year. These truffles are seriously so freaking good and easy! BEWARE: if you try one, these delicious morsels may never make it to their intended destination.

Oreo Truffles

1 package Oreos
1 8 oz cream cheese
1 bag chocolate chips

1) In a food processor, crush oreos into fine crumbs.
2) Mix cream cheese in with oreo crumbs, blend thoroughly. Helps if cream cheese is room temp.
3) Form oreo mixture into 1 inch balls, place on plate and put into freezer for 1 hour. The firmer they are the easier they are to handle in the melted chocolate.
4) Melt chocolate chips and coat oreo balls. Place on a lined cookie sheet and place back in the freezer for the chocolate to harden.

This recipe is versatile too. You can experiment with different flavored oreos and flavored chips. I made this last year and did mint oreos and mint chips, peanut butter oreos with peanut butter chips. I also tried raspberry flavored chips and did a regular oreo center. It was very yummy! You can also double coat the truffle in the left over melted chocolate. You can get decorative with them too, for example, do a coating of brown chocolate and then drizzle white chocolate over. Whatever you do, people will be impressed. It looks like it took a lot of time, but it's really doesn't and it's sooo easy.

Helpful hint: drizzle a 1/2 tsp of olive oil into your melted chocolate so that it doesn't become chalky.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Happy Birthday Alisha!

Yes, we have two December birthdays in our family. Alisha's original "guess date" was on Josh's birthday. But she decided she wanted her own day. Alisha is a happy little girl who loves My Little Pony's, putting on imaginary makeup(and mommy's when she not getting caught), loves dancing, and is just a little people pleaser(which worries me sometimes). I wrote a little more about Alisha down below.

Preparing for Alisha's birth exciting for me. Jacob was only 6-months-old when we learned we were going to have another baby. So I was fighting a lot of conflicting emotions, but after Jacob's birth I knew I wanted to have a better birthing experience. I needed to. I researched a lot of different birthing methods, but the one that caught my eye was Hypnobirthing. I ended up doing a lot to get ready. I practiced my scripts faithfully and started reading up on my rights in the hospital. I coupled the Hypnobirthing with the Bradley method, because their birthing philosophy's, while a little different, were pretty much the same. The Bradley method helped Josh prepare to be my doula. I was confident that her birth would be a good one.

So her guess date came and went and I thought she'd never get here. lol! Josh's sister Theresa came out to spend time with us and add some extra help when the new baby arrived. So we were ready, just needed a baby.

At 4 p.m. on December 11th I noticed that I was having some regular birthing waves. What impressed me is that they weren't painful like they were with Jacob's birth. I dismissed them as Braxton-Hicks and went on with my day(which is a very common thing for hypno-moms to do, most don't even know they're in labor). Around 8 p.m. they were becoming more intense and closer together. I clued in and called Josh to have him come home from work(he had crazy work days), that is was "baby time". We hung around the house for a couple of hours packing bags and doubting whether or not we should go. Because don't most birth education classes tell you to come to the hospital when the birthing waves are 3-5 minutes apart? They became three minutes apart so we went. I still wasn't in any pain, just strong pressure sensations.

So, we get to the hospital around 11 p.m. I'm still in no pain. Into triage, no pain. The nurse checks me, I think I'm probably around 3 cm's. The nurse freaks out,"Holy cow, you're 7 cm's!". All hell(yes, I said hell!) breaks loose. Nurses start yelling at me and my husband about how it was irresponsible that we waited so long to come in. Everyone is rushing to get set up. By now I'm scared(no woman in labor should be yelled at) and yes, now I'm in pain. The classic fear-tension-pain syndrome was kicking in. 30 minutes after my arrival my water broke on it own. Hello! The flood gates hath opened! Nurses are running me down the hall in the gurney I'm on. They start asking me if I want an epidural, while another nurse is trying to start an IV. It was crazy. My dr showed up and ask if I wanted an epidural. Good grief, I had a birth plan, my dr had one, as well as the nurses. Did they not read the big bold print that said, "PLEASE DO NOT OFFER ME AN EPIDURAL!" Gah! 30 minutes later I'm getting a huge urge to push, and I dr's telling me not to. Hahaha! Guess what? I'm pushing and there's not a damn thing you can do about it! lol! I pushed for a good five minutes and I birthed my beautiful 7 lbs. 5 oz. 19 in. baby girl.

I was totally euphoric after her birth. I felt so great that I was able to walk myself to my post-partem recovery room, much to the dismay of the nurses. I went home sometime the next day. I just felt so good. Looking back, I realized that my labor with her was painless until I got to the hospital. When I became pregnant again with Miri, I knew that if I was in my comfortable familiar surroundings I would feel safe. And for me, feeling safe means painfree.

Funny story, while I was pregnant with her we picked out her name. We had planned on naming her Angela, after Josh's older sister who passed away during birth. But sometime later Josh dreamt of a little girl who came to him and told him her name was Alisha. He wrote the dream down and we stuck it on our list. WELL, as soon as they laid this beautiful girl on my tummy, we saw that this was not Angela. Alisha was her and she'd named herself. It took us about a month to kick the habit of calling her Angela. lol!

Happy birthday baby girl! I love you dearly. I love your silly little laugh, the way you roll your eyes when you think mom is being ridiculous, your love of reading, and the way you sense what other people are feeling. I love that you are completely open to loving other people unconditionally and are always so forgiving. You are truly a precious gift to our family.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Happy Birthday Josh!!!

It's my sweet hubby's birthday today. We went out to eat at the Cheesecake Factory and had some yummy avocado eggrolls. Seriously, those things are sooo good! We made our meal complete by polishing it off with the best cheesecake in the world. We did some birthday shopping and ended our evening together.

I know everyone says this about their own husband, but I think my guy is truly a rare find. Josh is very different from other men and that is why I adore him. He is the most patient person I've ever met, and patience is something you need a lot of with me. He is so unselfish. Last week when he was having a bad day, instead of venting to me or throwing a pity party he took time to counsel me on my problems. He really does lead our family as a righteous priesthood holder.

Josh, I will forever be greatful that you married me. My testimony of Heavenly Father only grows when I think how he let this wonderful man into my life. He has blessed me greatly! Happy Birthday honey!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

My Crystal children - feeling blessed to be a mom

Well, I've changed my mind on keeping my children's name's a secret. I'd like to introduce them to everyone. I know I risk weirding everyone out, but keeping this in wouldn't be doing any favors. This is weird part of me, is mostly who I am. Yes, I'm weird, but you probably already knew that. lol!

The word Crystal children refers to the children that our coming to earth now to help usher in the Last Days. The more and more I read about these children, I can see them everywhere. Their large piercing eyes, the gifts they come with, the knowledge they can teach us, if we let them. They veil is thin for them, they have the ability to communicate in ways that are strange to us.

Jacob is my oldest. He is a bubbly boy. He currently loves, loves, loves Transformer toys. Jacob is very mechanical with hands. He can take things apart and knows exactly how to put them back together in the correct order. He's also high-functioning autistic. Most Crystal children are categorized into the group. What some parents don't realize is how blessed they are to have this child in there family. In my heart I knew when Jacob was staring off into space, I just knew that he was seeing things beyond the veil. Probably talking with angels. Last month Jacob told me about our wedding day, that he had been in attendance. I've no doubt about that, our intuitive temple sealer announced that our children were in attendance. Now Jacob has only ever seen my bridal picture, he described as very big, fluffy and bouncy. He's seen my husband in his black tux. But what he described to me totally left my jaw on the floor. He told me that my dress was very plain and small, I had been married in my temple dress. He also described our ceremonial clothes to a "T" and that his dad was all in white too. Wow!

Alisha is our next oldest. Alisha has the ability to sense what other people are emotionally feeling. She can also sense when something is wrong with someone in the family, who may not be present or physically next to her. She can read people, and she's super trusting which can be scary at times. Alisha was also my best friend in the pre-earth life. One morning as I was nursing her, she was about a month old, Heavenly Father granted me one precious moment to know and feel that the child I was nursing had been my companion in heaven. I saw for a moment two grown women in their prime walking hand in hand, and I could see me and I just knew that the other girl was Alisha. So yes, we have a very special bond.

Mirianna is our third. She is little miss spunky to boot! Miri is two right now. She is a independent self-learner, she just potty trained herself a few weeks ago and didn't want any help. She celebrates all her little accomplishments, like washing her hair by giving herself a swirly in the toilet. lol! She talks to imaginary people in her room, which I'm assuming are angels. They must be protecting her because she's a little dare-devil. I now know what my mom must've felt like when she first saw me flip off the couch. She has absolutely no fear!

Autumn is our fourth and last child. My pregnancy was very spiritual with her. I knew the moment I conceived her. My vibrations were so high that I could feel her spirit next to me just waiting for her turn on earth. She came to me a few times to tell me of her mission here on earth, the she would need help. She's vibrates to high sometimes that our electrical appliances won't work if she's in the room. lol! And most of the time she can't handle it, she'll start crying and pull at her hair. We've learned this cue with the TV. And now we are a TV free family. She's much happier. We just don't let her sit around the computer. She, Alisha, and Miri also have their own language. All Autumn has to do is say something in her baby language and Miri, who can talk quite well or Alisha, lets me know what and problem solved. It's just amazing.

So these are my children. I feely greatly blessed to be entrusted with such special spirits. They do bring happiness to me and I have a loving husband who is teaching me how to cherish their cute moments. I know most days are overwhelming, but the cute moments make up for it. I love hearing,"Mommy, I love you!". There's nothing sweeter than hearing the word "mommy".

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

I'm in heaven! I don't know what it is about the winter time. But when those stormy skies appear, the snow starts falling, and you start wearing your warmer clothes, I just feel so at home. I know some people get Seasonal disorders when the winter comes, I'm the opposite, I get it in the summer. Too much sunshine.

Well, now I'll start listening to Christmas music, it feels more appropriate. Time to get out the snow tubes and really enjoy mother nature.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I wish mom's could collect sick days

Seriously, why can't mom's have sick days? I remember when we lived in L.A. that Josh got two weeks off for paternity leave when JA and AL were born. That would be so cool if there were some way that husbands got two weeks of sick days to use when their wives get sick. I sure could use it tomorrow. This head cold is sure a doozy and my whole body aches. Anyone wanna come take care of me? lol!

Monday, November 19, 2007

It's finally off!

JA got his cast off and pins taken out today! Hallelujah! Everything went very smoothly. The nurse taking off his cast was so good with him, distracting him by talking, whilst taking the pins out. The comical moment came when the nurse asked him if he had any pets. Jacob let out a big sigh and said,"No we can't have any pets, mom says she aleady has 4". ROFLMBO!!! He had the nurse and his dr in stitches from laughing. Ah, I love that boy!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Awesome birth!

Where do I start? I love homebirths! I love Hypnobabies! I love being a doula!

Yesterday I had the honor of attending an awesome homebirth. And awesome is the perfect word because I'm just in awe of this woman. Tisha, who was my doula for AM's birth, had her baby and I had the honor of attending. Wow, what a woman! Tisha is amazing!

I'm doing a little bit of a flashback here. I remember the birth story of Tisha's second baby born at home. I remember her writing about how she felt like she lost control and had a wonderful midwifery assistant(Bridgette) telling her that a laboring mother was a woman in her majesty. (Sorry if I got that wrong Tisha!) What powerful words. Those same words were told back to me during AM's birth and have stuck with me ever since.

Well, baby #3's birth was the most beautiful, calmest thing I've ever seen. I arrived at Tisha's home around 2:30 to find her so very focused doing her hypnosis. Her husband, Sam was so playful with her between birthing waves and we all ended up laughing quite a bit(getting those good endorphins going). We didn't do much moving around, she mostly wanted to lie down, moving a few times for bathroom breaks and ralaxing on the birthing ball. I few times I coached her into hypnosis by reminding her to turn her "lightswitch" off. She was excellent at communicating her needs. Around 5 o'clock we started doing counter-pressure and called her midwife shortly after.

While we were waiting for her midwife, Suzanne, to show up Tisha had us prep her for disappointing news. She was afraid that Suzanne would get there and find her only at 4 cm's. So we made 4 a good number, it was her favorite number, and just reminded her that she had the strength to take as long as was needed because she was conserving her energy so well by relaxing. I thought for sure she was atleast 7 cm's by the sounds she was making, soft, low moaning through each birthing wave. Suzanne showed up a little before 6:30 p.m. and checked her and found her to be completely 10 cms!!! Bag of waters still intact and ready to have her sweet baby girl any minute. I was in total disbelief, because this did not sound or look like a woman at 10 cm's. Tisha was calm, composed, and relaxed. Keep in mind Tisha was in disbelief from the time I showed up to the time her baby was born. lol!

About a half hour later her water finally broke on it own. She moved onto the birthing stool to help move baby down a bit. Sam sat behind her on the bed to support her, it was so sweet watching him caress her face and give her encouragement. I love those little moments during birth when husband and wife are making a connection. I don't know if men know that us women need that during birth, atleast I did and for me it helped knowing that Josh was staying by my side, that was the connection I needed.

Pushing seemed a bit difficult for her because Tisha never gets the urge to bear down. And who wants to willingly push? At one point Suzanne looked at her and said,"Now's the time you need to dig down deep inside you and find that strength". I thought those were neat words. And that she did, she found that strength, she needed to because baby's heart tones were not sounding good and she needed to birth her baby quick. About then Tisha enveloped me in a full-on bear hug/choke hold. lol! Birthing women are sooo strong, don't mess with us! Once baby's head was birthed, Suzanne found a cord wrapped around the neck. Baby was still okay and with the next push baby was out and in mommy's arms. At 7:32 p.m. a beautiful 7 lbs. 5 oz. baby girl made her arrival. Now I've seen a lot of homebirth baby's not cry because they adjust so well, but I've never seen one open her eyes immediately. This little girl was eager to see what was going on. It was absolutely precious.

Tisha had a few firsts with this birth. It was the first time she didn't throw-up, she did get nauseous, but didn't throw-up. This baby girl came 5 days early, when her first two came atleast 7 days late. It was her mother's birthday, what a great present! And it was the first birth she didn't loose control. It truly was an honor to be my doula's doula. Thankyou Tisha!!! And I hope you and that little girl are getting lots of rest, I'll being seeing you soon.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The little joys

My little joy was yesterday when I was cooking. My friend Sunny submitted a recipe to the MOF Recipe Book for Bulgulgi, which is Korean BBQ. It is seriously so freaking good and EASY! You serve it with rice and soy sauce and wrap it up in a lettuce leaf. Anyway, I overlooked one of the ingredients, which was Sesame oil. I knew that a few months back I had bought some, but in our move a lot of our groceries got moved around and I just forgot where I put things. As I was shutting the pantry door I notice a little white lid, lo and behold there was the Sesame oil I needed. I've never been so happy about making dinner! I think I did a little dance or not. I'm not a good cook because usually I'm missing atleast one or two of the ingredients. Even though I've made a thorough grocery list, I always seem to overlook those one or two ingredients I need. Then I end up improvising and the meal ends up kind of on the yucky side. But yesterday I had ALL ingredients and it was sooo good. Tonight is Veggie Lasagna, I'm crossing my fingers it turns out okay.

Bulgulgi (Korean BBQ meat)
1/2 T. sesame seeds
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 t. black pepper
3 T. sugar
2 T. soy sauce
1/4 C. green onions, sliced very thin
1/4 t. salt
2-3 T. water
1 T. sesame oil
1 lb. tender beef, cut in very thin slices (you can usually find this beef already packaged and sliced very thin in the meat dept, if not just ask for it to sliced thin)

1. In a dry skillet, parch sesame seeds until slightly brown. Grind or mash.
2. Combine all ingredients, except beef.
3. Once mixed pour into a Ziploc bag, add beef and let it marinate for atleast 2 hours.
4. Cook in a frying pan with a bit of oil.

For a dipping sauce, mix 3/4 part soy sauce with 2/3 part water. Serve meat with sides of large leaf lettuce, rice, and dipping sauce. To eat authentically, spoon rice, meat, and dipping sauce into your lettuce wrap. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Yucky kid food

When I was younger my mom would try to make me eat hotdogs and bolognie. These are two kid foods that totally make me want to ralph. What is it with bolognie and hotdogs? Even the thought of them makes me nauseous. My kids love these two foods, and I make sure that they eat it as far away from me as possible. Yeah, my daughter just walked past me with a slice of bolognie, so that's what's on my mind. Yuck!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Christmas music already?

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I love the story, the symbolism, the family get-togethers, the snow(yes I do!!!), and cozying up with my hubby. But come on! Just let us get through Thanksgiving first! Atleast two of my regular radio stations are already playing Christmas/Holiday tunes. It's just so irritating. So I'm boycotting my radio stations until December 1st. One can only handle so much "Dashing Through The Snow". Snow, what snow?! Freaking A!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Doula Retreat

I'm feeling refreshed, replenished, and renewed!!! I went to the Utah Doulas Association Fall Retreat this past weekend. What an awesome bunch of ladies to be surrounded by.

I went expecting the usual birth conversations, how best to help a client, ect. but what it was, was unexpected. I have rarely encountered a place outside the temple where you could feel the spirit so strong. The women that came to the retreat were from all different walks of life, religion, families, but yet we totally recognized eachother as sisters on both a spiritual and energetic level. It was an emotional retreat, tears were shed, hurt feelings and incorrect beliefs surfaced and were acknowledged. There were no judgements or criticism, but unconditional love which I know is rarely felt.

We celebrated our callings in life as doula's. What an honor it is to assist women in bringing a new spirit to earth! We talked about how faith and prayer are essential to a doula, no matter her religious beliefs or she had none at all. We talked about the need for doulas to take care of themselves so that they could care for their laboring moms. We learned about the Samaritan goddess Inana, her path to self-discovery, fascinating story. We expressed ourselves through art by molding clay into what we thought women serving women would look like to us. Doula is the greek word for "woman's servant". I molded my clay into a husband and wife embracing eachother, with a doula behind them embracing them, supporting them.

Most important to me was that I found the softening of heart that I asked for in helping me forgive another doula(see the previous post below). Forgiving her was very important to me, it was the only way to move past the hurt. And I have. It truly was a life changing weekend.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Socially awkward or inappropriate, take your pick.

I'm having a pity party. And I feel like it's okay to post it here because I know noone reads my blog. Plus I really need to get some stuff off my chest, so here goes nothing....

What is wrong with me? All my life I have felt like I don't fit in. I don't know if it's just because my brain is hard wired different or whatever, but as far back as I can remember I have always had this ability to make people uncomfortable or disconnected from me by being socially inappropriate. It's so frustrating to say what you feel is appropriate to you and be totally opposite of what the other person was expecting, thus resulting in them loosing confidence in whatever credibility they thought you had.

Over the last two weeks I've had two experiences that I can't seem to let go of. The first was at Relief Society. Now those who know me(mostly my family) know that I've become accustom to staying silent, smile, nod, act like you get what they're talking about. So I rarely offer any input in classes. I learned when I was a child, because of my social inappropriate answers to keep my mouth shut. Because most often it's not the answer the other person was looking for.

Our Relief Society president was teaching the lesson and posed the question, why is it important for us to take care of our bodies? The lesson was on body image. I felt confident I had an answer that would give more insight into the lesson. So raised my hand and offered my take, the word flowed effortlessly through me and it felt like truth to me. Still does. The expression on her face made my stomache churn and I knew that just then I spewed forth a crap load of social inappropriateness. She then said,"Well, that's depressing. Anyone else have a positive perspective on this question?" I wanted to dig myself a deep hole and just hide in it.

The other experience happened yesterday. As a doula, I'm very passionate about childbirth. So when a potential client seeks me out I meet with them to make sure we have a good connection. Birth is such a sacred experience, it's important that if you are hiring a doula that you have a connection with her. And I always encourage that the mom-to-be interview more than one doula, just to be sure.

So yesterday, I opened up my email and find that another doula in my POD(a doula group) has emailed me the entire email conversation between her and a potential client. I had already been interviewed by this potential client in the previous week. She stated in her emails to my fellow doula that she didn't have a connection with me. That would've been fine if she'd just left it there. But went on to talk about how I freaked her and her husband out and then exaggerate some of the things I said. I'm not sure what I did specifically, but I felt like I had been true to myself. I didn't misrepresent what birthing doulas are about. My fellow doula on the other hand was very unprofessional, in my opinion. She has been the one who has constantly reminded me of being professional when it comes to talking about other doulas to clients. I'm sorry, but what she said and then did is very two-faced. Her words talk about how appalling my behavior was with the client, mostly just trying to save face because she wanted to be hired by this client.

I'm starting to wonder what my mission here on earth is. Was I just meant to be a mom? I feel underneath that I'm more than that, but all I've learned from this earthly experience is that it's never good to be myself.

Happy Halloween!

What a busy day! We've had fun doing the costume parades and playing with lots of friends. I did made the kid's costumes this year. JA was the Transformer Bumblebee and our three girls were fairy princesses. I'm sooo stinkin' mad that I can't find our camera! I actually made cute costumes!

Happy Halloween everyone! Hope everyone has had a fruitful candy harvest!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

JA's turn at the hospital

So last year my daughter, AL, broke her elbow. It required surgery and an overnight stay. JA and AL have lots in common now. They've been comparing their stories all weekend.

This year is JA's turn. Last Friday at school he and his little friend were being dare-devils as they jumped from the TOP of the slide. JA broke his fall by putting his elbow out in front from him. Yeah, he completely fractured it just above the elbow joint. My eyes about bugged out at the x-ray. I've broken a lot of bones, but none of my fractures looked like that. Wow!

I have to say that the staff up at Primary Children's is the best! They worked quickly to get JA comfortable and were very sweet and kind to me. JA had surgery and three pins placed in his elbow yesterday around 6 p.m. I got the honor of staying overnight with him this time because Josh stayed with AL last time. Those little pull out beds they have in the recovery rooms suck!

Poor little guy! He's been so brave through the whole thing. He did a lot of whimpering, but never cried. We're finally home, I'm tired and JA is totally doped up on Loretab and in a sling until the swelling goes down. We go back to Primary Children's next Friday for a cast, and he's all excited about the colors he gets to pick from. On a funny note, he walks around saying to everyone,"I can't believe I got my first broken bone!"

Thursday, October 25, 2007

My day

I was very unproductive today, atleast that's how I feel because I wasn't inside my home for most of the day. However, I was being productive outside. My day starts at 7:30, I know for some that is like sleeping in, I guess I'm lucky then. Get the kids up, dressed, fed, scriptures read, and out the door. I join the early morning commute to JA's school in Davis Co. By the time I get back home my girls and I have been in the car for one hour, that's one hour too long! AM hates her carseat and she's still not big enough, even though she's 1, to be turned around. What can I say? Josh and I make tiny kids. Right when I get home is when I tend to my daily chores, but today our house in Sandy needed some attention - we're still trying to sell it in this sucky market. So pack the girls up again, screaming commences again, and off we go again. Clean, clean, clean - not that it wasn't already clean but when it sat for a long time it needs some spiffing up before its about be shown. Then it's off to pick JA up from school, I know I have all my kids with me because I can hear every single annoying whine and scream in the backseats, back to Sandy to make an appt, to the gas station, to Farnworth Farms to pick up Josh's favorite un-pasturized apple juice(this stuff is seriously the yummiest apple juice you'll ever drink - how's that for a plug?), to Costco(with all four screaming kids), and then back home. Have I mentioned that I'm a gluten for punishment?

I'm very thankful for loving, patient, understanding hubby. He was already home and he could tell by the look on my face that I had already surpassed today's emotional threshold. He let me go out the dinner by myself! It's was peaceful and quiet and I'm feeling oh so much better.

My mantra for tonight is tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

California fires

This event is bringing back a lot of memories. We lived in Los Angeles from 2000-04 in a suburb called Canoga Park. It's close to the I-118 freeway that connects to 1-5 on the East and runs West into Simi Valley. In 2003 there was a pretty big fire that came down into Porter Ranch, another suburb that was North of I-118. There was talk of evacuation because of the fear that the fire would jump the freeway into Chatsworth(on the other side of I-118)and we were just a few streets away. The smoke in the air was thick, even inside our home you couldn't escape the smell. Our pool was full of ash and other weird things falling out of the sky. It took a few weeks to get it completely cleaned out. My parents were totally freaked and called me every half hour for updates. Josh and I packed our valuables, had our 72-hour kits ready and all possible evacuation routes highlighted incase the freeways became to jammed. Fortunately the fire was contained and we never had to face that reality, but the anticipation was scary. My prayers are with those who live in sunny, Southern California.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Slug bug!

I taught my son a bad game. Oy! I don't remember how it started or who taught it to me, but the gist is you slug someone in the arm whenever you see a Volkswagon Beetle. So yeah, I'm driving him to school in a total hypnotic state when out of nowhere I get hit in the arm whilst hearing,"SLUG BUG *insert car color here*!!!" This happened three times on the way to his school. And he finds these cars in the most random places, not on the freeway while we're driving, but he'll see this particular car in parking lots, or on the other side of the road. I have to admit it, he's good.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Halloween is almost here! Yay!

More Funny Pictures at

One less plate

It's official, I've one less thing to do. I gave my Presidential resignation last week to the Utah Friends of Midwives Association. I'm sad. I really wanted to commit my all to this organization, but I can't. I just don't have the energy to give to my husband, children, my doula clients, my home, our finances. It sort of a relief, but I'm just sad. It doesn't mean that I can't contribute, I'll be doing plenty when it comes time to defend women's birthing rights. Hopefully I'm on the right path to getting my priorities straightened out.

Another sad thing, Shabby Princess has yanked their papers from Matie Kay's site. Boo on them! Those were some of the most creative blog layouts I've ever seen. I hope Matie will find a way to create her own, she has good taste. I did find another site that has free layouts. Pay a visit to to see what they have.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Happy Birthday to my baby!

My baby AM is 1 today!

I'm in deep hypnosis.

Smile! I'm 9 cm's here.

Yes, I have my baby! Total happiness. Look at all that hair!

Yep, another birthday to be celebrated. We have three Libra's in our family.

AM is our fourth and final child. Her birth story starts with her conception. I'll spare you the intimate details of our amazing night. lol! Afterwards Josh and I lay in bed, our bodies were literally vibrating. Something neither of us have ever experienced, it was very unique. He rolled over and said,"I wouldn't be surprised if ended up pregnant after tonight." We weren't really trying, but we weren't preventing it either. I didn't say anything to it, but I just knew that I was pregnant. I knew that this would be a very special pregnancy. It definitely was more spiritual by far.

AM came to me several times during my pregnancy to tell me of her mission here on earth, that she would be a healer. And she loved any kind of energy work I had done on me, it always got her moving. I also looked into a new birthing method called Hypnobabies. It is actual medical hypnosis for childbirth. LOVE IT!!!

Three weeks before AM's "guess date"(a term for those who are familiar with the Hypnobabies language), I was having a lot of birthing waves(another Hypnobabies term). I felt like it could be the day. We started getting the house ready and calling everyone that we had invited to attend the birth. The birthing waves kept coming. We called my amazing midwife, Suzanne. My doulas, Roz and Tisha. And a few other people. Suzanne checked me first thing and I was totally disappointed to find that I was only 3 cm's. The birthing waves were starting to die down. I sent everyone home and tried to nap, conserve my energy. About three hours later they picked up again with more intensity. We called everyone back. Still no progress as far as dialation was concerned. My funny midwife then gave me two options, that she could manually dialated my cervix(OUCH!) or tell everyone to go h0me again and try for more sleep. I decided for the latter option. When I was completely honest with myself, I felt like I had performance anxiety. Like they wanted me to birth my baby more than I wanted to. After four hours of what felt like transition, we sent everyone home and my birthing waves completely stopped at midnight.

For the next three weeks, nothing, nada, zero, zilch. No birthing waves AT ALL. No hints at all that birth was near.

Friday, October 13th was approaching(AM's guess date was Oct 15th). Being the superstitious mom that I am, I kept thinking that I didn't want a baby on Friday the 13th. Talk about the Law of Attraction, AM had decided to pick her own birthday. Sure enough my birthing time began promptly at midnight at the beginning of Friday the 13th.

I remember just getting into bed about 10 minutes prior to everything beginning. One birthing wave began with a lot of intensity. I was trying not to get my hopes up. After about five good birthing waves I began to go deep inside myself and let go. I felt my baby slip underneath my pubic bone with such ease. I was so amazed at how intune I was with my body. 20 minutes later my water broke. AM's head was so low that nothing came out, just a tiny trickle. I let Josh know that it was baby time, that was his cue to call our midwife and this time only our one favorite doula and friend, Tisha.

The time between Josh making the calls and me getting in the tub was a total whirlwind. I was deep in my hypnosis experiencing time distortion. I remember doing some cleaning. I felt in control the entire time. It was painless too, I was just enjoying the sensations and being in awe of what my body was doing.

My midwife, Suzanne, showed up and found me sitting on the toilet. I had a huge urge to have a bowel movement. With a smile on her face she told me to get my butt of the toilet so she could check me. Sure enough I was 8 cm's. I got off our bed and gave Josh a High Five, smiles and hurray's all around. I got into our tub and relaxed in the warm water. My doula showed up and took pictures. One moment I'll never forget is Josh, Tisha, and Suzanne just sitting in front of the tub in complete awe. It was so quiet, I felt like I had to talk or entertain them. Tisha later told me she was just amazed at how calm I was. A little bit before 5 a.m. I started getting huge urges to push. I instructed Josh or Tisha, I can't remember, to put in my "Pushing Baby Out" hypnosis script into the cd player. I pushed my 9lbs 1 oz baby girl into my arms. I was euphoric.

I had my baby in my arms and was just relaxing in the tub waiting to push out the afterbirth. It was so much fun inspecting her. She had a head FULL of hair and was so calm. I spent those precious minutes just gazing into her eyes. She was gorgeous! Once everything was complete, Josh was able to cut the cord once it stopped pulsating. I got out of the tub, walked over to our bed and just held her more. After about 30 minutes my midwife did all the newborn examinations and screening right there on our bed. I participated throught the whole thing and Suzanne was very respectful of AM, no harsh rubbing but gentle hands and soft voices. It was beautiful and peaceful and easy. My midwife left a few hours later, we dressed our new baby(she had no name for the first 2 days of her life, but we eventually found a fitting name for the day she was born on) and snuggled her in bed as we fell asleep.

A few hours later we woke up, got our kids up and introduced them to their new sister. JA was so mad at us, he really wanted to see her birth. I had done a lot of preparation with him for this birth, but in the end it was in the middle of the night, he was asleep and everything was already so peaceful that we didn't see the need to add more to it. So he scolded us and then asked me the next day for a baby brother. ROFLMBO! I told him that mommy needed some time to heal and that IF we had another baby I would definitely let him be at the birth. Um, that's a BIG IF!

AM is such a wonderful baby, we couldn't ask for anything more. I love her personality and how she has already sensed what her mission in life is. She has brought a great deal of healing to our family in so many ways. We love you AM!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fun dinner!

Last night I got together with an old friend from high school. I haven't seen Scott Pearson for 10 years. Too long! My hubby and I got to meet his awesome wife Melanie and their adorable little boy Matthew(too cute!). We reminisced about the good ol' days at GHS and about life. It was fun and I'm definitely looking forward to our next get-together.

Thanks Scott and Melanie! You two were so much fun.

Josh and I completed our night by finding a vacant parking lot and making out til .......JUST KIDDING! We ended up going to the movies and seeing Seeker: The Dark Is Rising. Please don't waste your money on this movie. Wait til it goes to the $1 movies and then take your little guy, he'll love it. Just enough action for little people, but a story line that makes you think there's more coming and then nothing. Bah!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

One year older

Happy Birthday to me! I'm the big 2-9! My hubby's birthday present to me is to send me out shopping. I'm so excited! My wardrobe is dying for an overhall - no more frumpy mommy lounge clothes. lol! I'll have to drag along my fashion savvy little sister who knows more about what's "in" than I do. Wish me luck that I'll find some good sales along the way.

Saturday, October 6, 2007


I love my new template! This blog has free templates and they are uber cute!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Happy belated birthday to my little guy!

My cute son, JA, turned 7-years-old just few days ago. I still get all choked up when I think about how my little guy is growing up. He's been such a fun kid.

Jacob's birth started my journey into the world of birthing education, doulas, and midwifery. Jacob's birthing day started the day before he was born. I was getting so tired of being big and a lot of people told me walking would encourage birthing to start. We had just moved to L.A. and were living in the business apartments paid for by his work(and the best part was the maid that came once a week, heaven!). And kitty-corner from us was a mall. The walk didn't look that long, but being that big OH MY HECK! What was I thinking? But I did it, it was all for a good cause right? I got home and oh my gosh the back ache would not go away. No one told me that a back ache was a symptom of being in labor. I just decided to lay down and sleep as much as I could. Sleep was not easy either because I had PUPPPS(Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy). What a nightmare of a rash, I scratched until I bleeding. Unable to sleep, itching and scratching, I was now getting urges to pee like every five minutes. Still nothing was clicking in my pregnant brain that I was in labor. Around midnight I lost my mucous plug(eww, I know that the last word you want to hear, but it's the truth and since I'm a birth guru you may hear even more detailed words such as placenta and cervix, oh my!). Five minutes later a tiny POP. No gushing or "the flood gates hath opened", but leaking like I couldn't hold my pee in.

I labored at home as long as I thought was neccessary(I should've stayed home A LOT longer) and then we headed to the hospital around 6 a.m. I had no idea what I was in for. They hooked me up to several machines, had a very uncomfortable monitoring belt around my big belly and noone to tell me I had options. I had every right to get out of that hospital bed and walk around, to refuse an IV(even if I was Strep B positive), to refuse being "checked" every hour on the hour, every right to labor in different positions, to do so many other things. But no, the nurses just let me lay flat on my back in that stupid bed. Probably the worst thing for a laboring mother. After being checked so frequently, being rudely interrupted my mother-in-law followed by sister-in-laws who came by to participate by becoming voyeurs, learning our JA was posterior I relented and got the epidural. Yes, it's not as bad as I imagined and it did bring me relief. But I was still left on my back which doesn't help baby progress and decreases oxygen to baby because me laying on a major artery. To make matters worse the epidural STOPPED my labor progressing, which is very common I later learned. No one told me about the epidurals side effects either. That I would shake uncontrollably, that it would stop my labor(adding further more "preventions" to augment labor) and that I would birth a very sleepy, sluggish baby.

They finally started me on PIT(pitocin), which is a total monster. And because my body wasn't ready for it(it never is and don't ever let a nurse or dr tell you that pitocin is natural, it's synthetic and will never be like the real oxytocin the body puts out which is much more gentler and effective) it started stressing JA out in the womb. BABY'S DON'T LIKE PITOCIN! It's not good for them, and I'll never understand why impatient women would choose to augment labor like that(except in cases where it is medically neccessary, which I have witnessed), it's torture for mom and baby. So JA is getting stressed out, still no one is letting me move onto my side and then the dr's start coming in and threatening C-section. Finally I'm complete and pushing lasts for 45 minutes, and it was "purple pushing" where the nurse yells in your ear," 10, 9, 8, 7, 6,....!!!" So your holding your breath and depriving yourself and baby from more oxygen, meanwhile your face starts to turn red and it looks like you may pop a vein in your forehead. From start to finish, his birth was 18 hours(from the time we entered the hospital to the time he was birthed). I tore. Had I been in an optimal pushing position I wouldn't have. Most women won't tear if they're in a good position, and episiotomies should only become neccessary in the event that the woman is going to tear upward toward her clitoris. The lithotomy position(on your back with legs in the air, in a stirrup, or up behind your ears), is the WORST position to push in.

And because JA had a tinge of meconium(when baby takes a dump in utero right before birth, it can be bad, but his fluid was barely yellow) in the amniotic fluid they wouldn't let me hold him right away. I cried while the dr stitched me up, I didn't even get the chance to see him. The dr wanted to know what I was "boobin" about. I think I was crying because I was already in mourning. Mourning all the happy moments in birth that should've happened, mourning my lack of participation because I felt like an observer, mourning how my body had been treated. Nothing about what I had gone through was sacred. Then in an exasperated-give-her-what-she-wants voice he asks the pediatric nurses to hurry and bundle JA up so I could hold him.

FINALLY, in my arms! I'm in love! He is the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen! My joy lasted 20 minutes because then the nurses insisted on taking him back to the nursery to get under a warmer so he could maintain his body temperature. Had I known I would've slapped him next to me, skin-to-skin and started nursing. I had just been through a workout, I was plenty warm for the both us. Sheesh, isn't that a survival tip they teach you in Boyscouts? Plus I needed that bonding time that was so rudely stolen from both of us as soon as he was born. But no, they whisked him away to the nursery for 6 HOURS! I was furious. In that time, they bathed him, took off all that good vernix that keeps baby's skin moisturized(without it baby's skin cracks and dries up and baby lotion just doesnt' cut it), gave him a bottle, do you think he wanted to breastfeed? NOPE!!! Not to mention that when I did get him the rude nurse wouldn't give me a moment to just snuggle with my newborn, no she wanted us to breastfeed and her idea of helping the process along was grabbing my breast and shoving it into a sleepy baby's mouth. Neither of us were very happy. I was greatful when she left, I was greatful to snuggle my baby skin-to-skin, it felt natural, it felt right.

The next morning HOLY SORENESS BATMAN! Shaking from the epidural had left me sore all over, I literally couldn't move. The epidural site hurt so much. The hospital food was horrible. Josh had taken the day to spend with his mom and sisters, leaving me all alone with my fluxuating hormones and a newborn. Thanks! Reality really hit me when JA had his first bowel movement of meconium. The nurses wouldn't let him room-in with me, so they would bring him back and forth from my room to the nursery. Well, he had this messy diaper and I kept wondering why they kept bringing him back to me with a messy diaper? It. Hit. Me. I'm the mom and I have to change the diaper. Whoa! Yeah, it's funny now.

I left the hospital the next day thinking that IF I had another baby there had to be another way, a better way. And there was! Lo and behold I was knocked up again six months later and I'll share AL's birth story on her December birthday. Maybe now you can see why I'm so passionate about childbirth and why I wanted to be a birthing doula.

But now I have this truly beautiful boy of 7. He is a joy to me. JA I feel so blessed that you came to our family, you have brought us so much happiness and have taught us so much. You helped me find my passion. I love your spirit and zest for life. I love how you love rocks, insects, and are sooo interested in the human body. I love how mechanical you are with your hands and how you want find out how everything works by taking it apart and putting it back together. I love how your kiss me and your sisters goodbye when you leave for school. I love your sensitivity and your intuitiveness. I feel so blessed to have this Crystal child. Thankyou for coming to me.

I'll post some pictures later of his birthday party(because I'm quite proud of them). We did a homemade "Transformers" birthday party, since that is JA's super hero of choice these days. I downloaded Optimus Prime wallpaper, cropped it and added wording with our Printshop and printed them out on photo paper. Bought a record-shaped pinata, took if it's decor and cover it with black and silver(foil) to make a Decepticon face. I found some Transformers plates and cups at the party store, Transformers colored ballons(blue & red for Optimus Prime, black and yellow for Bumblebee), four pizza's from Little Ceasars and Kool-aid that we already had. I used brown paper lunch sacks, that I already had, for the goody bags and glued Autobot and Decepticon faces on them. I made a birthday cupcake tower for his birthday cake. I think I spent about $50 for this birthday party.

Best part, JA and his friends had a blast! It was fun to visit with the parents from his school class. This birthday party was a success!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Get To Know Me

I stole this little questionnaire from a friends MySpace page. Thought it would be fun to post. Enjoy!

Name: Katie
Birthday: October 10th
Birthplace: Coos Bay, Oregon
Current Location: Murray, UT
Eye Color: gray/grey - however you want to spell it
Hair Color: brunette
Height: 5'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed: I'm a lefty
Your Heritage: European(scottish, english, french, and german)
The Shoes You Wore Today: Running shoes
Your Weakness: Men with accents, Scottish accents makes me melt.
Your Fears: tripping right before the finish line - in so many ways
Your Perfect Pizza: Ham and pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: survive Christmas with the in-laws
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: okay. I write "okay" a lot. Guess I'm just agreeable.
Thoughts First Waking Up: I'll get up in 10 more minutes
Your Best Physical Feature: my ankles lol!
Your Bedtime: Usually midnight, I'm a total night owl
Your Most Missed Memory: Vacation with my hubby right before he went on his mission, that was the funnest vacation of my life!
Pepsi or Coke: Coke, but if it's Pepsi it has to have vanilla in it.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Neither. I can't do fast food anymore, I really like my gallbladder and want to keep it in me.
Single or Group Dates: Depends on the group.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I rarely drink this stuff anymore, and I can't even remember which one I had. I remember drinking one with a peach flavor, soooo good!
Chocolate or Vanilla: Both
Cappuccino or Coffee: I like the smell of them, but I don't drink either.
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: in my head, does that count?
Do you Sing: all the time.
Do you Shower Daily: no, I prefer every other day.
Have you Been in Love: I too, thought I knew what it was to be in love. I was sadly mistaken.
Do you want to go to College: Will be going to back to the Utah College of Midwifery next year.
Do you belive in yourself: some days yes, some days no
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: I used think I was attractive, but not anymore. I miss that the most about me.
Are you a Health Freak: Yes, it the only way I'm keeping all my body parts inside me.
Do you get along with your Parents: I have boundaries with them.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Who doesn't like a thunderstorm?
Do you play an Instrument: no. I used the play the clarinet in 5th and 6th grade.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: uh, no
In the past month have you Smoked: nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs: define drugs. oh the illegal kind? uh no.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I cannot tell how much I want to go shopping now. It's one of those times when you really hate living within a budget. Gah! (I'm totally swearing in my head right now.)
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Yes, but I'm still a health nut.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Ewww!
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: This is my life long dream. I have yet to do this and I swear before I die that I will go skinny dipping atleast once!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: uh, one gummy worm for the bulk bin, shhhh...
Ever been Drunk: no, but I think muscle relaxers can induce the effect on me....I guess.
Ever been called a Tease: yes. I admit I was a tease back in high school. I think I hurt some feelings over it too.
Ever been Beaten up: I've been threatened.
Ever Shoplifted: well, I stole a gummy worm, so I guess a I have.
How do you want to Die: I don't want to die, I'd rather be twinkled.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A grown up.
What country would you most like to Visit: Scotland.
Number of Drugs I have taken: 0
Number of Piercings: 2, one in each ear.
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A lot!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Marriage break through

Is break through one word or two? Can't remember.

Anyhoo! I feel like we've been making some progress in our marriage and I'm starting to feel better. We've been going to a counselor for some weeks now and up until our last meeting everything was just so-so. We really started to take a deeper look into why we chose to marry eachother. The qualities and common goals that lead us to choose eachother. I've been so busy feeling inadequate, unworthy, and small in this marriage that it was sort of struggle for me to find the good qualities about me. But I've found some.

The quality that I admire in my husband is that he is a great example to me. He's always been the teacher in our marriage. And our marriage has been on big learning adventure for me and I don't think it'll ever stop being that way. I'm okay with that. But maybe you can see why I've felt like I brought nothing to the marriage. It's kind of hard when you feel like you have to be the teacher and your student isn't benefitting from anything your teaching. Then you start thinking that you're the dud in the relationship.

So I've started to think of us in a different way. Our relationship dynamic is that he's the teacher, I'm the student. Wow! I know this may seem simple to other couples, but this is huge for me. I have now only to be greatful for the man that I married. He has taught many think that I don't think I would've otherwise learned in another relationship. This leaves me in a wonderful, unique position. I have been in pursuit of things that I can do to show my hubby how much I love him, but I can't reciprocate with the kind of gifts that he gives me. Roses and chocolate spontaneously brought home totally earn brownie points! However, my man's not a roses and chocolate kind of guy. So what do teachers love from their students? When they do their homework? Duh! It hit me that I can quit all the inner murmuring and focus on all these wonderful things he's taught me and start applying them. Wow, that's a change of heart in a way. Maybe now things will feel more real from me for him. Feeling a lot better today.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

My 2-year-old

MC is my 2-year-old. She is so full of life and I love it. She does the cutest things, like when she wakes up in the morning she happily announces to her tired mother, "I waked up!". She wants so much for us to be proud of her little accomplishments.

Well, yesterday she must of thought she conquered a huge feat of washing her hair. I was upstairs folding some laundry when I noticed that it was really quiet downstairs. Now all moms know that silence is never good. I walked downstairs to the sound of the toilet flushing, keep in mind that we're potty training said 2-year-old who has acquired a new fascination with the toilet because of it. All I can think is, "great what's she flushed now?!" and that cartoon of baby Daffy Duck when he's learning to flush the potty,"water go down the hole" - flush. I walk over to the bathroom to find MC with her head in the toilet and just flushing away giving herself swirlies. Bahahahaaa!!! How can you be mad at that? It totally made my day.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

My Weekend

So, the other day, Josh woke me up at 5 a.m. He had been awake since 2:30 and not sleeping well. He wakes me up saying,"Um, I think I'm going to take my dad's offer and go to Oregon for the weekend." Okay, I'm awake and you have my full attention. Run that by me one more time!

Things have been extremely stressful for him at work lately. And while where he works is a great environment, he's decided that he's just not passionate about his career. It's starting to affect him physically. The problems in our marriage are a small part of this too. So he wanted to take a weekend to decide what the next step for him will be. New career? Keep working? New job? What?

I am really hoping that he's finding the answers he's looking for. It's kind of scary when your future feels so uncertain. I am happy to report that since he took the weekend off that he's been getting more sleep and feeling more restful. That makes me feel better since he's not been sleeping well at all that last month.

With that said he decided to take JA along for company. And now it's just me and the girls. AL and I have spent the last two nights playing "makeup". Giving eachother manicures, pedicures, painting nails, putting on makeup, getting all glamoured up. I wish Josh hadn't taken the camera because at the end of the night we both look like clowns. Atleast I feel like a clown, AL however, feels beautiful. And that's what is important.

This has given me the opportunity to tune into my daughters and just get to know them better. I think they'd agree with me, that we're all having a great weekend.

Having said that, I hate, absolutely hate sleeping alone! Why is it so hard to fall asleep or even want to get into bed when your bestfriend isn't there next you?

I've also had time to think about our marriage. We've been in this really long rut now. But I'm glad to be with someone who's not a quitter. I'm giving up either. He really is my bestfriend. I enjoy all the playful moments we have together and want more of those memories. I know sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, but when I really think about life without him, I know it wouldn't be as good as this. I really am so blessed to be with a man that loves me and wants to create a better partnership. I really do have a lot to be greatful for.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Happy Birthday 9/11

This blog goes out to my nephew who celebrates his birthday today. I remember how I was in complete udder shock on 9/11. My heart grieved for those who lost their lives and those who were left behind, but my heart also grieved for my nephew. My nephew has had a difficult life and 9/11 just kind of added insult to injury. It was difficult for him to accept that his special day would be remembered as a day of chaos, disaster, mourning, grieving, and helplessness.

Happy Birthday bud! I know you may not like me saying this, but I hope we never forget 9/11 and how it touched us individually.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I've finally done it! I've had my most embarrassing moment since high school. More embarrassing than the time my daughter, AL, blamed me for publicly farting(when it was someone else, honest!), and probably my most embarrassing moment EVER.

Tonight was Family Home Evening and as a treat for our kiddies we decided to take them to the dollar store. We were having a good time, JA picked out a fake handcuff set, AL wanted a coloring book, I got some Jolly Ranchers(yum!), and our babies were feverishly trying to pull everything they could off the shelves. Josh spent most of the time chasing after MC(have legs, will run......away) and preventing AL from pulling the cart over with AM in it. What a night!

And it just got worse. As I was walking with Josh past some isle I notice a husband and wife who are embracing eachother. And it isn't just any embrace, it was the kind that made me think that maybe this woman is pregant and laboring kind of embrace. Her arms were clasped around his neck, his arms were supporting her upper back like he was holding her up. In doula speak we call this movement "dancing". They were swaying as well. I noticed the woman's body. She was definitely full figured and I thought her pregnant belly added to that fullness. I looked at their basket and noticed that it was full. I thought to myself, "hmmm, she must be nesting or in early phase." Early phase refers to the time when the cervix dialates from 0-4 cms. This time can take anywhere from hours to minutes. If it's first time mom, usually takes hours.

Now as a birthing doula I get all excited when I see a pregnant woman. I get anxious to share with her all the wonderful things a doula can do for a laboring woman. Can ya already see where I'm headed with this? So I confidently walk up to her and say,"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing you and your husband doing the birthing dance, are you by chance in labor?" I was seriously ready to show them all my neat techniques right there in the store. Instead, she looked at me confused(probably thinking what the bleep is a birthing dance?) and replied,"Oh, no, I'm not in labor. I'm not pregnant. What you saw was just me giving my husband a hug."

Someplace, somewhere is a deep hole with my name on it that I can hide in. I must've turned several shades of red as I profusely apologized. I feel very lucky that she was nice about it and that this couple was already at the cash register checking out when I pounced on them. When I hear these kind of stories, usually the offended woman has a quick tongue and lashes out. Anyway, I quickly walked to the back of the store and told Josh about my moment. He had a good laugh. I hope you readers are too.

BTW, I have reached the clean up pinnacle for ALL poop messes(I've done the whole Poocasso thing too). I don't think anything can ever top this. My son, JA, has a habit that we're trying to break of using too much toilet paper when he does a #2. And then of course he doesn't flush because he knows it will flood. Well, it sat over night, completely unknown to us. Until this morning when my two-year-old MC flushed the potty. Poop and toilet paper over flowed out of the toilet, onto the floor, down onto the floor by our waterheater, out into the kitchen and it somehow reached outside. GROSS!!!! So yeah, I got the clean up the poop mess of all poop messes. I don't think it can get any worse than this. "Bring It On!", is all I've got to say to my two youngest. As a consequence for causing the toilet to flood(because he should've come and got us to tell us that the toilet was too full, because he's a repeat offender in flooding our toilets, this is nothing new), he got to clean my kitchen floor. Sweet! I didn't want to mop anyway.

Friday, September 7, 2007


As if my blog wasn't already a downer, I think I'll add another log on the fire. I feel the need to blog about my marriage today. Maybe someone can sympathize with me, but have you ever woken up on morning and wondered what happened to me? And how did I get here? I can't deny it anymore, but I feel very unfulfilled in my marriage - in every area.

Now before I start making sound like my husband sound like not a nice guy, let me say he is. He is an excellent catch. He a great listener, a great provider, an awesome father - he absolutely loves his children, the most logical and objectional thinker I know(which is a huge help to me because most times I'm the irrational, impulsive one), not a quitter, always full of solutions, and is totally cute-to-boot!

No the problem doesn't lie with him, but me. I guess I had this expectation that when I eventually married that I would be my husband's muse, his inspiration, and that I could help his reach his full potential, help him feel his self-worth as much as he helps me feel my divine nature. Well, it didn't turn out that way. How do you inspired, encourage, enlighten someone who already does that for you? I entered into our marriage feeling very inadequate, feeling not needed. How had I attracted someone so wonderful, so giving, so loving, so self-sufficient? I immediately felt really low, just feeling like I would never match him. And immediately I felt even worse because I remember a quote by one our General Authorities, I don't remember who said it, but it went along the lines of," the General Authorities are in the positions they are today because of the women they married". Then to make matters worse my husband said one day after a Fast & Testimony meeting, after me commenting on how wonderful it was that a lot of husbands were getting up and praising their wives, that the wives must be deserving of such praise, in other words they did the work to get the prize.

Well, that did it for me. I was doomed to be unhappy in this marriage. I already felt inadequate, felt unworthy of praise, and it made me hurt even more because here is this wonderful man, this spiritual giant who should be doing great things and I can't inspire him. On top of it he's been sick our entire marriage with various ailments(one for which he had surgery for). And now my body is starting to manifest my unhappiness(my thyroid, adrenals, and gallbladder are not functioning right anymore). When do you say enough is enough?

I guess I'm at a crossroads in my marriage right now. I miss me, how I used to be before we were dating. So full of energy and life, just starting to figure out my place and be comfortable with who I was. But the consequences of leaving an 8-year marriage with four children has profound effects. At times I can't even rationalize my reasons. This would be devastating to our small children and I've seen what the effects of divorce have on children. However, my kids need a fully functional mom. How do I find happiness for them when I feel hopeless?

Monday, September 3, 2007


We got this picture on the way home, just coming into Park City. I couldn't get it all on camera, but it actually was two double FULL rainbows. Something you don't see very often.

I had a great weekend. Some friends of our invited our little family up to spend the weekend at their cabin. It was an absolute blast! The boys went 4-wheelin' and us girls stayed behind, doing what girls do best - talking. I spent a majority of the time playing Risk with my hubby. Wow, I never knew that game could be played that long. And the kids loved being out in nature. It was nice to have a good weekend for a change.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Embracing my To Do list

I'm just wondering if maybe I acknowledge and embrace my "to do" list, maybe it will actually get done.

Tomorrow I need to:

- Call my POD(a doula term) and arrange childcare for the upcoming births that I will be attending.
- Call another doula who I will be apprenticing with next month.
- Email another potential client.
- Get the kids ready to go spend time at the cabin with friends.
- Put all our food away in our pantry that is finally finished.
- Chores, bleh!
- Arrange a post-partem visit for another client.
- Drop off and pick up my kiddies from school.
- Somehow get my other two kiddies to take naps inbetween all of the aforementioned to-do's
- Manage to feed myself(which hasn't been easy task lately) and do this all with a smile on my face. Yeah, right!

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Weird dreams

Last night hit me with a doozy of two odd dreams. The kind that make you wonder why? Why did I dream about this person? And what do I need to learn from it? First, I am a firm believer that dreaming is either a way of your subconscious working out a problem, something needing to manifest itself(because everything is symbolic in one way or the other), or a way of receiving answers to some of life's difficult questions. And second, I think last nights dreams had to do with my high school reunion because quite of few people from my past were in it.

It's funny, when I dream I think I get a glimpse of the true me. The person inside that I know is just witty, daring, spontaneous, and fun. The scene for both dreams happened on the campus of where I went to college. I thought it was interesting that while I saw college alumni's, I saw some high school alumni's that I know didn't go there. I was schmoozing with my old college cheer squad, we decided to crash a fraternity party. I stole something important, it was like a mascot of some sort. I was caught sneeking out and started running back towards my dorm. The guys were in pursuit. (I have this odd delight in being chased in dreams, it makes me feel like I'm back in elementary playing tag.....ah, that was fun!) I was eventually caught just as I got to my dorm room, the mascot taken back, and I was thrown over the shoulder of the one my high school mates(I know who it was, but no names mentioned here). The only thing I can remember saying as I was over the shoulder facing this guy's backside/rearend was something like,"Oh ______, is this the real you? You must introduce me!", followed by him hitting me hard on my backside. But then my bladder woke me up. Darn bladder! Just when things were getting interesting!

The second dream took place in my dorm room. I had retired for the night and had been asleep(in my dream) for some time when I started to feel something caress my face. It was nice. Whoever it was started kissing my cheek(yeah, I know, gross makeout dream. But really? Who doesn't love a good makeout dream? It's just taboo to write about it.) and traveled to my lips. Something was wrong, it didn't feel like my husband's kiss. I woke up from my sleep to find my ex-fiance' sitting next to me(yes, I was engaged to another man before marrying Josh. Good guy, just different views about what a marriage was supposed to be). Totally creeped out! I can't remember what was said, but I felt his intent was to rape me. He was angry at me for ending the relationship and wanted what he thought was his. I was able to push him away from me and run away again(not fun this time). Thank heaven my alarm went off. I was having a difficult time waking up from that one.

So now I'm off to locate my dream dictionary. My brain is too tired to figure these two out.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Can't believe it's been 10 years

Way back then.

How I look today. My sweet husband, Josh, sitting with me at my reunion.

Last Saturday I participated in Granger High's 10-year reunion. I participated in planning it too(a whole lot more than I thought I was going to do). It was an absolute blast! But as I was reflecting back on my senior year I felt really sad. I have so many regrets, that if I was given one wish in my whole life I'd go back to my senior year and do a whole lot of things very differently.

Things I would do different:

1) NO boyfriends. No one wants to date you when you're tied-down.

2) Play the field! There were so many guys that I had super huge crushes on. If I had the confidence that I do now I'd totally ask them out on a date.

3) Still do Drill Team. I hated the politics, but man I loved dancing!

4) Concentrate more on my academics. Seriously I would.

5) Stop being so anti-social. There were so many things that I missed out on(that I've now learned) because I spent too much time being angry at things that were out of my control.

6) Get a real job - grow up. I coached gymnastics all through out high school. It was a fun job, but considering anything other than coaching was below me. Yeah, I was a gymnastics snob. It would've been nice to get more experience outside of what I knew.

7) Have fun just being a teenager. I remember I couldn't wait to become an adult and now I really long for the days when it was only me and I could sleep in.

8) Stop being afraid of confrontations.

9) Take different classes.

10) Be a better sister and friend.

So the questions of the day are - if given one wish to go back in time, would you do it? And if so, where would you go and what 10 things would you do different?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Why finding a babysitter is a major pain!

I hate having to find a babysitter if ever I ever want to do something. I remember when I was young how I hated being asked to babysit. This feeling mostly comes from my mom's daycare. My mom has had an in-home daycare as long as I can remember. I was always resentful towards those children because when my mom had something to do(much like I have something to do today) she put my sisters and I in charge. Or guilted us into watching the kids by saying something like,"this is how I pay for you guys to do................." And often their needs came before ours. So no, I will never have a daycare just to pay for my kids extracurricular activities. I really do love my mom. She did the best she could for us considering her circumstances, but I'm doing things differently with my little family.

So I totally understand where the rejection comes from when a teen says, "no" or makes up some weird excuse. Nevertheless, I still need babysitters. I still need them so I can date my husband, so he won't feel low on my priority list. So today I can give my son's new teacher the attention she needs so that my son will be successful in school. So that I can get things done, like when I have to go into the bank or post office for a transaction that requires face-to-face interaction. Don't get me wrong, I love taking my kiddies all over with me, but sometimes it's nice when it's just me.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


I think I must be the poster child for conformity. I admit it, I mostly follow the crowd when it comes to the "in" things. Especially after reading so many of my fellow alumni's blogs, it just looks like a lot of fun and a great way to get to know them again. And blogs must be "in". So here I am, joining legions in posting about my messed up life to boot!

I chose "Too Many Plates" because that's just where I am in life right now.
Too much on my plate. Right now my plates are:
- My relationship with my Heavenly Father(it needs some serious help right now).
- My husband (and I won't lie, it's not been a picnic here either)
- My 4 children (I'm a huge liar when I say I love motherhood, truth is it's a daily struggle and I'm saddened that I feel this way most days)
- My doula business (I'm very passionate about childbirth and will dedicate a blog to that later, but it's active actual business that many people consider a hobby....grrrr!)
- I'm the President of the Utah Friends of Midwives Association (no, I don't get paid for it but it great opportunity to help me get out of my comfort zone and talk with intimidating people)
- I've been homeschooling my oldest son who is a High Functioning Autistic (that's another blog)
- We just moved. Hate moving with a passion! And we're still cleaning up our other home.
- I just finished being on my 10-year reunion committee and will help in planning our 15-year reunion.(man, I have so many regrets from high school, but the reunion was an absolute blast!)

I have lots of other "plates" and because this is a public place these are only "plates" I feel comfortable sharing.

A little bit about my family. Josh and I have been married for 8 years. We have four kids: JA, AL, MC, and AM. Again, this is a public place and my kids are very special to me, so we'll only being using their initials. J was just diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and we've been working very diligently with him to get him where he is today. He used to fit more directly into the Autism Spectrum with more significant autistic symptoms. But JA is a total boy all over. He loves super heroes, Transformers, insects, rocks and especially nature. AL is our princess. She loves My Little Ponies, CareBears, and play makeup- what little girl doesn't? MC is our mischievious little dare-devil girl. She loves to be read to and loves to scare the wits out of me with her death defying stunts. AM is our baby. She's definitely the most high-maintenance out of all our kids. I need a lot of energy to work with her because she mostly likes to stay attached to me at all times of the day. It's exhausting.

So that me and my little family in a nut shell. I'm sure I'll much more to add to this place.